When I think about my life, especially my emotional life, I realize now that I have been locked up. In fact, I was really afraid to show my feelings and tried very hard to control my emotions when they came up. I was taught to be less emotional and more rational. When I attempted to open up emotionally during difficult times, I found myself in situations where I felt vulnerable and hurt by the actions or words of others. So, for many years, it was easier not to show my emotions. It was better to be rational and avoid relationships and situations where I had to confront my uncontrollable emotions. I couldn't figure out how I could recognize myself if I let my emotions show and feel them, it couldn't be me, I am rational.

For many years, the phrase "No one can hurt me" was my motto and I felt comfortable with that in my mind and lived like that until I studied psychology and saw this shield I had. This was a turning point in my journey.

Recently, I heard the same expression from someone who, when talking about emotions and feelings, was proud for keeping his distance from any emotional hurt. At that moment I saw myself a few years ago, when I was in the same moment this friend is now in.

I realized in a second that this phrase contained a profound message from our souls and that my friend was in an emotional freeze. I had to help him. So I began to dive deeper into this feeling and explained that he is a very sensitive person and has a broken heart that he needs to heal.

The belief that "No one can hurt me" serves as a protective shield that very sensitive and vulnerable people often have. While this mindset may seem empowering, it hides deeper sources and has complicated effects on emotional well-being. As leading experts in psychology and emotional resilience have pointed out, this protective mechanism can both protect and hinder those with heightened sensitivity.

The Shield

At first glance, the "No one can hurt me" mentality may seem encouraging, as it apparently confers immunity to emotional pain. For highly sensitive people, this belief acts as a shield against perceived threats to their emotional well-being. It helps them maintain a sense of control and prevent further emotional damage.

Psychological studies have shown that adopting a self-protective shield can increase feelings of control and emotional stability, especially in the face of perceived rejection or criticism. As psychologist, Dr. David Clarke points out, "For people who have experienced emotional trauma or have heightened sensitivity to emotional stimuli, this shield can provide a temporary sense of safety and control over their emotional experiences."

The belief that 'Nobody can hurt me' can create a stagnant comfort zone, preventing us from taking risks and embracing transformative experiences that foster personal growth.

The "Nobody can hurt me" shield manifests in various ways as a protective mechanism, let's see the most common ones:

֍ Emotional Suppression

When faced with potential emotional pain, individuals with this shield may suppress their feelings and emotions as a defense mechanism. They may avoid confronting difficult emotions and choose to appear stoic or unaffected on the surface.

֍ Avoidance of Vulnerability

Highly sensitive people can resist showing their vulnerability to others because they perceive it as a sign of weakness or an invitation to potential suffering. They may distance themselves emotionally from others to avoid the risk of being hurt again.

֍ Self-Reliance

The "Nobody can hurt me" shield often leads to a strong sense of self-confidence. People with this mindset may believe that relying on others emotionally is a risk, so they become self-sufficient in managing their feelings and challenges.

֍ Difficulties in Trusting Others

Trust issues can arise from past experiences of betrayal or hurt. Often people with this shield may find it difficult to fully trust others, fearing potential emotional harm.

֍ Emotional Detachment

Highly sensitive people may develop emotional detachment as a way of protecting themselves from being emotionally affected by others. They may avoid forming deep emotional bonds to prevent the risk of being hurt.

֍ Fear of Rejection

This shield can manifest as a fear of rejection or abandonment. People may distance themselves from others to avoid rejection because the belief that "No one can hurt me" also implies that they are immune to rejection.

֍ Avoiding Emotional Intimacy

In close relationships, people may struggle with emotional intimacy. They tend to keep their emotions private, fearing that allowing themselves to be emotionally vulnerable could lead to pain.

֍ Perfectionism

To maintain a sense of control and protection, people with this shield may adopt perfectionist tendencies. They strive to be perfect in various aspects of life to minimize criticism or potential hurt from others.

֍ Stoicism and Emotional Disconnection

In difficult situations, people may display stoic behavior and disconnect from their emotions as a way to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable.

?? How many did you tick off this list? Write them down.

The Sources of the Shield

This shield serves as a coping mechanism for these sources that we have experienced and dealt with in our own way as a result of too much suffering.

1. Childhood Experiences

The belief that "No one can hurt me" often stems from early life experiences. Sensitive people may have experienced emotional pain or rejection, which led them to adopt this protective mindset as a coping mechanism to protect themselves from further hurt.

2. Fear of vulnerability

Highly sensitive people may fear being emotionally vulnerable and getting hurt in relationships. By adopting the belief that "No one can hurt me," they create an emotional shield that serves as a defense against potential hurt.

3. Lowered self-worth

Deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth can lead sensitive people to believe they don't deserve love and care. This belief becomes a shield that prevents them from seeking emotional connection and risking further disappointment.

Breaking Down the Shield

The negative effects range from emotional isolation, repressed emotions, a hindrance to intimacy, and heightened stress as we carry the weight of our protective shield. We may miss meaningful connections, bottle up our feelings for fear of expressing them, and create barriers to forming deeper and more meaningful connections. Constantly protecting ourselves from potential hurt can be emotionally draining.

How do we break it down?

1. Recognize your shield and pay attention to the source of it. Start by noticing how your shield manifests and be honest with yourself.

2. Be brave and see your vulnerability as a strength. "When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Instead of armor, we need resilience—a core of courage to push forward despite the pain." as Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and resilience, beautifully articulates.

This step is essential for your healing journey. I'll refer you to this series where I break down the fear of vulnerability and how to work through it.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Embracing the empowering mindset of "Nobody can hurt me" doesn't mean denying our emotions or vulnerability. Instead, it involves treating ourselves with compassion and understanding when we face challenges.

4. Set Boundaries. Creating healthy boundaries is vital in protecting our emotional well-being. Setting limits with others helps us maintain our sense of self and prevents external influences from defining our self-worth.

5. Focus on Internal Validation. Instead of seeking external validation, work on building a strong sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. Rely on your internal values and beliefs to define your worth, rather than depending on others' opinions.

Breaking down this shield involves embracing your vulnerability as strength, practicing self-compassion, and seeking professional support when you feel is needed. By doing so, all sensitive souls can find a balance between self-protection and authentic emotional connections, leading to enhanced emotional well-being.

As a psychologist and sensitive soul, I too have managed to break down my shield with support and courage. My hope is that you will find your emotional strength and embrace your fragility as a beautiful aspect of yourself, as I have done and helped others. Start your healing journey with this worksheet designed particularly for personal development goals, and this is one of the most important ones to work on.