In our journey of understanding vulnerability, one question pops up and lingers in my mind

Why should we be vulnerable?

We know it's scary, it's associated with feelings of discomfort, fear, and uncertainty. It's uncomfortable and somehow daunting. We feel emotionally exposed, open, and susceptible to potential harm or rejection. So, what role it plays in our lives?

Let's answer this question and see why is important for our well-being.

From my personal journey of learning how to be vulnerable, I have to open up and tell you about a time I remember when I was hesitant to share my true feelings with a close friend. I feared judgment and rejection, so I kept my emotions hidden. It wasn't helpful for me to keep things emotionally hidden, it made me fear more and hurt more than I should have. It's like a wound without treatment, if you don't do anything to heal it, it gets worse. However, when I finally mustered up the courage to be vulnerable and express my thoughts, I was met with compassion and understanding. I began to heal and embrace my feelings one step at a time.

Maybe you have heard about Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, who got studying vulnerability by studying shame. She came to the conclusion that those with a strong sense of belonging to a greater community (including friends and family) all had one thing in common: they made choices to be vulnerable. Examples included saying ‘I love you’ first, taking a risk, or investing in a relationship that may or may not work out.

“They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating,” she said during a 2010 TED Talk at the University of Houston, about individuals who experienced a strong sense of belonging. “They just talked about it being necessary.”

Sharing and Vulnerability are not the same thing

Sharing and vulnerability are different concepts that require different levels of openness.

Sharing involves providing information and opinions, while vulnerability is deeper, requiring authenticity in expressing emotions and truths about oneself. It is important to distinguish between the two, as over-sharing can be a defense mechanism that avoids authentic vulnerability.

For example, when discussing a breakup, using humor and offering excessive detail can serve as a shield to hide the depth of emotional pain. The true vulnerability involves embracing discomfort and being honest about our inner struggles, allowing for authentic connection and personal growth. It is a courageous act that requires us to face our true feelings and experiences, nurturing deeper connections and understanding with others.

When we open ourselves up to love, whether it's in a romantic relationship or a deep friendship, we expose ourselves to the possibility of rejection and heartbreak. But the truth is, avoiding vulnerability in an attempt to safeguard our emotions ultimately hinders our ability to truly experience happiness. We cannot selectively numb certain emotions without also numbing the positive ones.

The Pattern of pushing others away

Choosing to reject vulnerability can often be misconstrued as a display of personal strength, but in reality, it is a repetitive pattern of pushing others away and concealing our true emotions. By refusing to be vulnerable, we inadvertently create a self-imposed isolation that leads to feelings of loneliness, repressed anger, shame, inner turmoil, and a lack of trust from those around us. Over time, this suppression of our authentic selves can take a toll on our mental well-being, potentially leading to the onset of depression.

After suppressing your emotions for an extended period of time, it is possible to convince yourself that you are inherently flawed and incapable of vulnerability. Like I did for a long period of time. This self-imposed emotional detachment can lead to a perception of being unyielding and unfeeling as if you were made of stone.

However, it is crucial to recognize that this perception is not an accurate reflection of your true self. Beneath the hardened exterior lies a wellspring of emotions and a longing for connection. By acknowledging and embracing your vulnerability, you can break free from the constraints of emotional suppression and rediscover the depth of your humanity. It takes courage to dismantle the walls you've built around your heart, but in doing so, you open the door to real experiences and genuine connections.

Remember, your capacity to feel and connect is a testament to your strength, resilience, and inherent worth. You are not flawed or unfeeling; you are simply rediscovering the beauty and power of your own vulnerability.

Why being vulnerable is strong?

By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we open up a world of possibilities and experience transformative shifts in our relationships, self-awareness, and overall well-being. Let's see how can we benefit from embracing vulnerability and discover how it can positively impact our lives.

֍ Enhanced Emotional Connection: When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we invite deeper emotional connections with others. By expressing our true thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we create an authentic space for genuine connection and intimacy. Sharing our vulnerabilities creates a sense of trust, empathy, and understanding, fostering stronger bonds in our relationships. Whether it's with a partner, family member, or close friend, vulnerability paves the way for deeper emotional connections and a sense of belonging.

But don’t be in a rush to tell someone you’re angry with them before examining why the anger is there in the first place; if you look closer you might find loneliness or rejection hiding behind it.

֍ Build Self-Compassion: Vulnerability allows us to fully accept and embrace all aspects of ourselves, including our imperfections and insecurities. It is a practice of self-compassion, where we acknowledge that it's okay to be imperfect and that vulnerability is a natural part of the human experience. When we let go of the need for perfection and embrace our authentic selves, we cultivate self-love and develop a deeper sense of worthiness. We learn to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, fostering a positive relationship with ourselves.

Vulnerability should only be offered to those you trust. It is a gift that requires compassion for yourself. If you surrender to vulnerability, you could overstep some important boundaries and end up feeling overexposed. But what about when your partner knows you're sharing because you trust them?

֍ Develop Emotional Intelligence: Vulnerability is closely linked to emotional intelligence, which refers to our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as those of others. When we embrace vulnerability, we become more attuned to our own emotions and are better equipped to navigate them in a healthy and productive way. This self-awareness allows us to communicate more effectively, empathize with others, and build stronger connections. By developing our emotional intelligence through vulnerability, we enhance our interpersonal skills and create more fulfilling relationships.

Being vulnerable is an attractive trait because it means a relationship can progress and become more intimate.

Make sure you open up to the right person. But more importantly, build a firm belief in yourself that your life will continue beautifully regardless of their reaction.

֍ Emotional Well-being: When we hold back our emotions and experiences, we carry a heavy burden within ourselves. However, when we embrace our vulnerability and share our thoughts and feelings with people we trust, we are relieved of the emotional weight and experience a sense of relief. The act of sharing and being listened to allows us to process our emotions more effectively and promotes emotional healing. As a result, vulnerability contributes to reduced stress, improved self-esteem, and overall improved mental and emotional well-being.

֍ Better Resilience: When we step out of our comfort zones and embrace vulnerability, we expose ourselves to new experiences and opportunities for learning. We become more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks, as vulnerability teaches us that failure and disappointment are part of the journey. Through vulnerability, we develop the strength to bounce back, adapt, and grow from adversity, ultimately leading to personal transformation and increased resilience.

Remember, your life will continue beautifully regardless of others' reactions.

Practical Exercise for your journey

Now, we are in this moment where you should do some work to begin your healing. Here are the best ways to start.

1. Share Your Story

Identify a safe and trusted friend in your life with whom you can share a personal story or experience. Take the plunge and open up about your vulnerabilities, knowing that this act of sharing can deepen the connection and encourage understanding.

2. Practice Active Listening

Practice the art of active listening by being fully present and engaged in conversations with others. Show empathy and allow others to fully express themselves, creating a safe space for vulnerability to bloom.

3. Explore Creative Outlets

Engage in creative activities that allow self-expression, such as writing, painting, or dancing. Let go of expectations and embrace the freedom to express your unique voice and perspective.

In the last post in this series, we'll talk more about the fear of vulnerability, which can be a significant barrier to embracing its power. We'll explore the common fears and barriers that keep us from being vulnerable and strategies for overcoming them.

I look forward to seeing you again.